Accepting Imperfection

Last year, as we were passing through Mt Barker on the return journey of our Denmark trip, I called into a few second hand stores for a quick browse and came away with a handful of treasures, including two tiny glasses, perfect for little ones to grasp in chubby hands. At 20c a piece, and reminding me of the glass I always claimed as my own on visits to my grandparent’s house as a little girl, they were even more perfect.

Days later, as the girls were sitting at their little table setting having some lunch, one of them accidentally knocked their glass off the table. It fell to the floor and broke into pieces and I was immediately devastated… devastated that my ‘perfect pair’ of glasses was no more. As I wiped the juice off the floorboards, unfairly chastised the clumsy culprit and swept away the shards of glass, I suddenly realised the ridiculousness of my mindset and my behaviour. Why was having two identical glasses so important to me? Why could I not see the beauty in a collection of mis-matched drinking glasses? What message was I subconsciously portraying?... I vowed then and there to work on being more accepting of imperfection, not only for my sake, but for my girls.

While I constantly let my girls know that ‘things don’t have to be perfect’ and ‘it’s okay to be wrong’, it is the example I am unknowingly setting that has got me thinking. It’s part of my personality to like things ’just so’and to focus on small details. But I am slowly learning to lower my standards, direct my energy towards what really matters and to accept that some things are out of my control (and that often it is best to step back and simply ‘see what happens’). Knowing that nothing is perfect, that mistakes happen, that there are ups and downs and dents and blemishes and that this is more than okay, is a lesson I desperately want my little girls to learn and a way of life I hope they embrace. I don’t want them to be striving for unrealistic standards. I want them to become confident, compassionate, accepting individuals who see the beauty in the imperfect... just as I am slowly beginning to do…

Childhood Memories

One of the loveliest pleasures of motherhood for me has been re-living snippets of my own childhood. Through my girls, I am reminded of sweet outfits my Mum and Nanna made for me, games I used to play, books that captivated my imagination and beloved toys that joined me on my journey as a youngster.  One such toy is a doll, Penny.  Since moving out of home, she remained forgotten at the top of my wardrobe until one day last year when I was having a clear out and Grace discovered her.

"Can I have this doll Mummy?" she asked, clutching her in her arms in the same way I remember doing as a little girl.  I hesitated at first, my once beloved doll seeming a bit precious for play, but then, thinking of her years being tucked away in a box I replied with, "Okay, just be gentle as she's getting a bit old."

Since that afternoon, Penny has been well loved.  She has sat on Grace's bed during school hours and in the evening, been lovingly tucked in beside her with a special little pillow. As I've checked on my girls each night before tiptoeing to bed myself, it has truly warmed my heart seeing Grace's arm wrapped protectively around her 'friend', loving the very same doll from my own childhood.

Recently though, I discovered poor Penny was looking a little worse for wear.  In several places, due to her age and years of being 'well loved', her fabric was beginning to wear out.  Seams were opening, stuffing was poking through and there were sections where the material was threadbare and thinning and where discoloration was starting to show. Penny's days were sadly beginning to look numbered and beyond a simple patch-up job, so we've had to hunt for a replacement doll which we've fortunately found and ordered (and whose arrival we're now eagerly awaiting).

I hope that one day, Grace's 'new Penny' is a piece of her childhood she too can pass on to her children.  And that just like me, she will do so remembering lovingly and with fondness her own days growing up...


Do you have any toys of your own you have kept and perhaps been fortunate enough to pass on to another generation?

On a side note, this post from a bit more than a year ago shows Grace in exactly the same dress... 

I was rather shocked to see how much her face has changed in that length of time...

Our Simple Pocket Money System

Over the past few months, we've introduced a very simple pocket money system for our girls, a way to help them begin learning about earning and saving and spending (in a basic way) and to be responsible for a handful of small chores that contribute to family life in our home.

A chart displaying daily responsibilities is pinned up in our kitchen and a completed chore earns the girls a colourful felt ball in their pocket money jars (which they keep safely guarded in their bedrooms). In the mornings, Grace and Sophie feed Asha her biscuits and put away the clean cutlery from the dishwasher.  After school, I now have help unpacking groceries, watering pot plants, helping sort laundry that has come off the washing line and the table is set ready for our dinner... all are quick and easy jobs for little ones to help with.  And while I often have to hunt through the pantry that bit longer in search of a particular ingredient or find my socks and underwear in the wrong drawers, it makes me smile to see the satisfaction my girls get from helping.

Come Sunday evening, felt balls are excitedly counted, each one earning ten cents.  Coins are then transferred to purses (kept on a high shelf in Sophie's case away from temptation's reach) where the girls keep the money they are saving for special items they hope to buy.

Our pocket money system is super simple, but for us at this point, it is working beautifully...

With our system, pocket money is not given for behaviour and is only allocated for the completion of jobs.

Responsibilities that are simply part of being members of our household do not earn money (eg. packing away toys, keeping bedrooms tidy...)  

It is up to the girls whether they complete their jobs but they know that no job equals no pay.

Settling Into Full Time School

The first term of full time school for Grace has come and gone and we are already nearing the end of the second...  sixteen weeks of settling into a new environment and routine for us all. Before any more time passes, I thought I should record my thoughts and experiences here of how we've found the 'settling in process'...

Term one for Grace began on a teary note.  She was very nervous about all the changes associated with starting at a new school, as well as the first time experience of a five day school week scenario. Leaving her in tears each day and walking with Sophie back to our car was horrible.  To be honest, at the beginning of the year, I felt lost... not without things to do or ways to fill my days, but battling to find my feet and to wear the ‘school Mum’ hat.

As the term progressed though, we adjusted to our new norm. Getting ourselves ready quickly in the morning and constantly watching the clock became things I stopped trying to fight. I learnt to accept that slow mornings lingering at home were no longer possible on weekdays.  Whether I liked it or not, the school routine was now a huge part of our lives, waking Sophie each afternoon from her nap for pick-up time was inevitable and getting out of bed when my alarm rang in the morning was essential for a smooth start to our days.

For Grace, we kept out-of-school-life as simple and free from obligations as we could. Apart from the odd call in to the local grocery store for a needed item, we came straight home after school. Tummies were filled with afternoon tea and free play was enjoyed until dinner time.  On the one or two occasions we did have to be somewhere after school, Grace fell asleep in the car on the way there within minutes. Bedtimes were also made slightly earlier, allowing plenty of leisurely time snuggled up together for a story and a chat.

For myself, being on top of things in terms of school days and dates was important.  The state of organization in our home was seriously lacking, but I ensured my calendar was well-used and kept me on track with all things pre-primary related. Socially, (not being naturally extroverted), I made an effort to chat to the other mothers around me at school drop-off and pick-up times and in the process made friends with a lovely fellow Mum and have gotten to know a few others. I volunteered for canteen duty and helped out in Grace's classroom. Paul joined the class on an excursion.  Sophie and I started going along to the assembly each fortnight. We became part of the school community.

Now, well into second term, as hard as it still is to get out of bed when my alarm rings each morning, the whole full time school caper is beginning to feel more 'normal'.  Grace is happy and loving every aspect of school life and Sophie and I have adjusted to our new pattern of days together.  One day, I know I will look back on these primary school years with fondness.  I will miss the paintings decorating our fridge, the school bag and shoes dumped by the front door and the afternoons spent searching the house for an interesting object' to bring for news. Knowing this, I have done my best to embrace this new phase so far as best as I can... for all of us.

The End Of Our Carefree Days

The past few nights in bed, I've felt desperately sad thinking about Grace starting full-time school in just under a week. There have been knots in my stomach and tears pricking my eyes knowing that our 'do as we please weekdays' are coming to an end and that a new kind of 'normal' is ahead of us in the not so distant future. Washing fresh uniforms, labelling books and stationery and reading through 'new student information packages' has made this reality hit home even more.

No longer will we have the luxury of a few days a week free of schedules and routines.  Our week will soon be filled with school bells, busy days and homework.  There will be lunchboxes to pack, reading books to work our way through and I am sure, one tired girl come Friday afternoons.

Of course, I have kept my feelings to myself.  Any talk of pre-school involving Grace has been filled with positivity as I don't want my emotions to interfere with her own expectations of what should be an exciting part of childhood.  Today I overheard her telling our neighbour, "I don't want to wait until after the weekend to start pre-primary, I want to go tomorrow!"

I've decided to instead focus my thoughts on how to best deal with this change. Rather than dwelling on how much I will miss my precious girl and grieving for our old weekly rhythm, I'm thinking of ways to better accept this inevitable next step and how to make our transition as smooth as possible. Things like slow afternoons enjoying an afternoon snack together, chatting about each of our days and sitting down to an earlier than usual dinner. Pre-bedtimes curled up together reading a chapter of our latest book. Weekends balanced between pottering about enjoying homely pleasures and small outings to parks and cafes and other favourite spots.

In time, I'm sure we'll settle into our new pattern... all that I can do for now is to trust that gradually, we will both adjust and come to love our days as much as we always have done...

Fathering Two Little Girls

When I first met Paul over twelve and a half years ago, he was without a doubt a 'boys' boy' with interests including dirt bikes, car racing, cricket, fishing and camping.  A weekend ride through the bush was a common occurrence in the wetter months, usually followed by camping overnight with mates.  He owned a rally car and competed in events, attended the speedway regularly and had a definite adventurous streak.

With Paul as their Dad, my girls were always going to grow up with a love of the outdoors and getting dirty. Grace has a ball going for rides on the family boat, will happily tag along with Paul to have a look at planes taking off at the local airport and excitedly joins him for the occasional bike ride around the local streets.

Having two girls however, has definitely seen me witness a previously unknown side of my husband in the past four years.  Surrounded by fairy dresses, dolls and glitter, it has been so lovely to see his softer side come out.  He comments to Grace and Sophie how pretty they look when they dress up as princesses or butterflies, gives cuddles and comfort when tears appear and has become an expert in all things Peppa Pig or Tinkerbell related.  Early the other morning, Grace tip-toed into our bedroom. Thinking I was still asleep, she crept around to Paul's side of the bed.

"Daddy, can you please help me put this dress on my Barbie?" she asked him.

I couldn't help but smile, thinking of how Paul's world has changed so much since he has become a Daddy to two little girls.

I'm so proud of the wonderful job my husband does with our little ones, for the hands on way he helps with parenting and for his ability to whole-heartedly embrace all things 'pink and pretty'...

Father's Day in our family is always tinged with a slight sense of sadness .. after morning cuddles in bed and enjoying breakfast out as a little family of four, we stopped by the cemetery to leave a camellia from our garden for my dear Dad and then found a spot by the river to let a bloom for Paul's Dad be carried out on the waves... keeping in mind as we did, all of the many special memories we have of our two precious fathers...

Halfway Through Kindergarten

With term three starting this week for Grace, we are halfway through the school year...well into the routine of early morning starts, the packing of lunchboxes and the ironing of uniforms.  Chatting yesterday with a friend over morning tea made me reflect on our journey so far, on my feelings and beliefs about educating little ones, on how we've grown as both a 'kindy kid' and a 'kindy parent' and on what has been great and what has made me sad...

Becoming a 'school Mum', I was very conscious of taking off my 'teacher's hat' and of slipping into my new role without any preconceived opinions.  Despite coming from a background in education however, everything has felt quite new to me standing on the other side, especially not having been in the classroom myself for several years now.  In many regards, kindy has been different to what I'd expected and from conversations with fellow parents and teaching colleagues, I'm not alone in my perceptions. Standards have shifted, expectations seem higher these days and there is more pressure from various influences.  I'm sad that it feels as though there is less of the 'free play' and time for creative expression, with a lot of the work hanging in Grace's classroom clearly linked to learning outcomes.  And while there have been many fun experiences such as pyjama days and teddy bear's picnics, our introduction to school life has felt quite full on.  Long days from 8.50 to 3.10 are the norm. Concepts once seen in a year one classroom are slowly filtering back into pre-primary and kindergarten.  Formal portfolios of work and reports are expected.  

On the positive side though, kindy has provided Grace with wonderful experiences... the chance to socialise with peers of her age, to form little friendships, to become more independent and to begin to develop her literacy and numeracy skills all while settling into the routine of school life.  Finding Grace's jottings around the house with 'words' made up of actual letters, her name scrawled on anything and everything and hearing her role play 'teachers and students' with Sophie and her toys truly makes me smile.  Hearing her make remarks like, "Mummy, I know another word that starts with the 's' sound! Snail!" and seeing her practising skills she's picked up in class make me excited for all that Grace has grasped already and for all the wonderful learning adventures she has ahead of her in the coming years.

And while the house is a lot quieter on the two days my sweet girl is at school (three days on each alternate week) and while Sophie spends a good portion of the morning asking me 'Gace?  Gace?', I often find myself looking over at our empty kitchen table where Grace is normally found engaged in some creative activity, wondering what it is she's learning about, hoping she's having a good time and looking forward to hearing all about it as we sit down after school together over afternoon tea, sharing snippets of our days...

Making The Decision To Change Schools

As the girls and I return home after being out and about during our days, there’s a little routine of landmarks we recite on the last leg of any journey…

“Past the shops… Past Grace’s school… And here’s our street!”

As of recently, I’ve stopped saying the words ‘past Grace’s school’ because as of a few days ago, we have decided that Grace will be changing schools when she enters into pre-primary in 2014 (five days full time here in WA).  Major changes within her current school which we do not support have been the driving force behind us doing so.

Last week was filled with indecision, the weighing up of options, much deliberation over what was best for our gentle girl, lots of research and plenty of discussion (with a sprinkling of worry on my part). Grace will still be attending a government primary school, one which is fortunately within our same suburb.  However, it will no longer be the school conveniently located at the end of our street, the one where we take Asha for a run on the oval and which we drive past day after day.

With our decision now made, I am hoping that this change is going to be for the best, that perhaps Grace’s new school is where we should have been all along and where she will hopefully receive the type of education we wanted for her from the start.  Less pressure. A place where childhood is valued and not rushed.  Respect for our Australian culture.  A caring school community filled with like-minded families.   

For now, she’s happy in her little kindergarten class and so any talk of a new school won’t happen until the year is over...

For now I have to have faith in our decision and in Grace’s ability to smoothly transition to a new environment come February...  

For now, I have to accept what is and trust what will be…

A Balanced Holiday Break

Sometimes as a Mum, you make decisions not based on any specific reasoning, parenting philosophies or age-old wisdom, but solely upon what can only be described as a ‘mother’s instinct’ – that strong feeling of what is ultimately best for your children and your family. After returning home from our holiday house stay last week, we were meant to have three days reprieve at home (one of those days being Easter Sunday) before embarking on a five hour plus car journey to Bremer Bay, joining my brother-in-law and his family who were going to holiday there.  However, at the last minute, we chose not to go, forfeiting the bond we’d already paid on a chalet but with Paul and I both feeling such an overwhelming sense of having made the best decision for ‘us’.

Instead, we enjoyed a relaxing few days at home. Easter itself was a simple, casual affair at our place with the obligatory egg hunt followed by a small lunch. The rest of the long weekend was spent at home pottering, playing and spending time together. We went for a morning swim at the beach, had friends over for a fish and chip dinner and took advantage of the balmy evenings by lingering outdoors as long as possible.

Then, on Tuesday afternoon, we returned to the holiday house. We had a fabulous dinner at a little Italian restaurant in town, ending the night with a delicious crème brulee dessert which the four of us shared. On Wednesday we went for a boat trip to the marina for morning tea, accompanied once again by some friendly dolphins, including one who playfully did a two metre high ‘Sea World style’ leap and twist out of the water not far in front of us. This morning, we woke to Grace and Sophie carrying Paul’s present into our bedroom for his birthday. As always, breakfast was enjoyed in the first morning light on the deck, this time with the added treat of croissants to feast on. And then, once packed, we headed home late morning, eager to settle the girls back into a more normal routine and to make sure Grace was well rested for kindy tomorrow.

As a mother, only you know what is best for your children. It’s so important to trust that little voice inside and to go with that gut feeling of what is right for your family. For us, with our girls at the ages they are, what’s best for us are simple days, still filled with adventure and fun, but balanced with down time and rest too.